First Trimester

Let me just say at the outset of this blog that I actually do like being pregnant. However, the first 12 weeks can be quite a challenge. If you think about it, this is actually one fourth of the entire year... soooo that's, well, that's a LONG time to feel like poop.

As soon as the 6th week of successful fertilization rolled around I felt like I had a never-ending hangover. Nausea ensued immediately. Fatigue that seems to be the result of a potent roofie slipped into my ice water kept me from being anything but a barely walking zombie. Irritation seems to be prevalent at this stage too. My husband, for example, offered to fold the laundry the other day and I wanted to rip his ears off!!! You may ask yourself, "Why?!" at this point. Well, I'll tell you why. Because in my exhausted, sickly, pinball-like hormonal existence I didn't hear a loving husband just offering to help. What I heard was, "You know? You're really kind of worthless these days and there have been 3 loads of clean laundry in the basket for several days now and, well, quite honestly I'm so sick of it that I'm willing to do it myself because obviously you're to weak to get it done." Weird huh? Just taking care of my daughter is a task too.... i.e. the stinkiest poopy diapers would never bother me before. Now I wear my husband's painters mask... this is not an exaggeration. NOTHING gets through that thing. Feeding her is a new adventure. She likes to experiment with foods now... bad timing. Had to walk completely away from her last week when I witnessed her dipping vegetables from her soup in applesauce AND banana yogurt and gobbling it up. (Gag.. choke... gag)

And THEN there's this thing that happens with the butt and the gut. I know for everyone it's different. Almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant my derriere was immediately larger and a muffin top appeared out of nowhere. I have not gained a SINGLE pound... EVEN according to the doctor's scales... HOW and WHY does this happen??? I'm not sure how it happens but a shift definitely takes place and I immediately feel like a walking water bed. I hate water beds. This period of feeling less than beautiful and attractive is NOT conducive to being amorous toward one's husband. It's more like we're similarly polarized magnets... which means, the closer he gets to me... the faster and farther I repel. It's really not fair to him but the thought of someone caressing my love-handles while I try to keep my eyes open and NOT vomit isn't appealing to me. He is a patient man. I love him. He actually came up with a pretty good, albeit controversial business idea this week. He said he was going to set up a website called, "First Trimester Girlfriends". Somewhat like mail-order brides except with a twelve week contract and no nuptials involved. It made me laugh which is a hard thing to do right now. HA!!! Did I mention I love him?